Many of the people who met Graham Goring during his later years have assumed that he's always been the same quietly witty introvert who's appeared at society's premiere balls and parties. The surprising reality is that this couldn't be further from the truth. While we all know Graham as a person who shys away from publicity while doing his tremendous deeds for charity and the disadvantaged worldwide, in his former years he was a far more brash character who led a lifestyle of excess while remaining very much in the public eye through his many exploits and successful modelling career.

He was born at 6am on December 4th 1975 in Hounslow, Middlesex, to his parents, Valerie and Roger Goring. His half sister, some three and a half years his senior was also present, and immediately became resentful of him, because despite being covered in ick and goo, he was a stunningly beautiful child - a fact that was to be his greatest asset, and was also to almost cost him his life...

The first year of Graham's life was an eventful one. Between bouts of explosive pooping and vomitting his parents would enter him into every local Beautiful Baby competition there was. Such was his notoriety at these events that he soon became banned from them for his undefeated streak in beating the pants off of all the other competitors. By the age of sixth months his winnings totalled an amazing sixteen gross of dummies, and a supply of nappies that would last him well into adulthood.

All this local attention did not go unnoticed by the media, and blanket coverage of his stunning beauty in the worldwide press led to him being employed by dozens of companies to lend credance to their often shoddy wares. From the mishapen toys of the Odd-Shaped Ball Company (see photo 1) to the classic good looks of the Porche, he posed with them all, allowing the general populace to revel in his cuteness and somehow making the world a better place.

But as is often the case with absolute power, it corrupted absolutley, a fact that was shockingly brought to the forefront by The Sun's printing of a picture that showed how Graham's ice-cream addiction had led to a plumping of his figure (see photo 2). His parents published several statements saying that his consumption of the delicious substance was entirely under control, but the damage was done. Despite several of the national papers rallying to his cause, Graham's career in modelling was all but over.

As quickly as his rise into stardom, Graham plummetted back to earth. In an attempt to keep themselves in the lifestyle that they had become accustomed to his parents allowed several demeaning photo's to be taken by the infamous top-shelf magazine "Baby Water Sports" (see photo 3). But soon Graham faded from the public consciousness, and his parent's similar offers to the hardcore magazines of Holland were fortunately rejected.

During the following two years his parents became despondant, but there was more drama to come when Hollywood pursued the rights to make a film of Graham's fifteen minutes of fame. Valerie and Roger suddenly realised that this was their chance to strike it rich, as they calculated that they could probably ask for a far higher fee if their son were to die in mysterious circumstances, thus raising his media profile. Luckily for Graham and his sister, Michala, his parent's attempt to fire them from the cannon of a Scottish castle was derailed at the last minute when a large wave swept in and dampened the gunpowder charge that was to be used in their murder (see photo 4).

The controversy surrounding his parent's immediate incarceration was enough to put a stop to the interests of the Los Angeles based film producer. And as soon as Graham had finished giving his testimonials at the trial, he was placed into protective custody, and from there into an experimental capsule that was launched into orbit around the earth. It was only at the age of six that Graham re-entered the planet's atmosphere, having been totally forgotten by the world's press agencies and now hoping to continue in a relatively normal lifestyle. But it was to be anything but normal...